heavy & sad.

(disclaimer: before you go on thinking that it's ME that is heavy and sad, I am here to inform you that you are only half right. I am by no means light, but I am the lightest that I have ever been PR*. But I am certainly sad today.)

* post Ruby

I so rarely write entries like this, mostly because I don't feel this way often and hate to focus on it when I do. Today has just been a rough day.

I feel like I am treading water today. My heart has been so heavy with so many various things that I feel like I cannot function. I want so desperately to seek answers, I want wisdom, and most of all I want truth which seems to be quite difficult.

In the last few days, I have been lied to. Lied to by supposed mentors, friends, fellow blogging moms, and supporters. Some small untruths, some large, some direct, some indirect, and none of them connected in any way.. Either way, they all have affected me. I know we all make mistakes, we all fall into traps, and we all sin, but I feel especially betrayed and I cannot understand the whys. I know that ultimately His will prevails and none of this essentially matters, but I'm struggling to understand (as I have made so clear).

I need guidance, I need strength, and most of all I need to trust. I know that things don't always go my way and I struggle with accepting them when they don't. I'm having a hard time with that, but I understand things will all work out in some form or another. Eventually. It's the eventually part that I struggle with. Or, ya know, patience.

If you could spare a prayer, I would sure appreciate it. I know I could certainly use it, as could aforementioned people that I have associated with. I have a few friends who are suffering greatly at the moment as well, and I know that they could also use some lifting up in prayer.

My heart literally aches right now. I hate this.