las vegas: part un

We spent a [long and sometimes physically and emotionally exhausting] week in Vegas. I should have blogged as I went to remember all of the details, but that would mean I am uber organized and on top of things. And I am not. At least not all of the time.

In short, Vegas has a surplus of fantastic candidates for people-watching, temperature highs, extremely large drinks (which is ironic, because at our condo, I found that the drinking glasses were entirely too small), wedding chapels, and annoying individuals handing out things that we dubbed prostitute trading cards (gross), shops, places to eat, and of course gambling opportunities.

Read on for the nitty gritty. Or leave now if you so choose. I won't be bossy.

Our week of vacation (which was not at all times relaxing. In fact being laid back was quite an infrequent occurence) began with a flawless trip to the airport...something I assumed would catch up with us later, because it just one of those things where everything seemed to be going too smoothly. Much to my surprise, we made it through check in, security and onto the plane without so much as a fuss, and we were on our way. I never knew how nervous of a flier my husband, and much to my dismay I learned that I should have switched seats with someone prior to take off just to escape his nevous aura. As we took off, he turned so pale I feared he may pass our or vomit, both of which were unfavorable outcomes. He mentioned something at one point that he had heard something snap off. Me, being the overly sensitive and caring wife that I am laughed out loud until tears stained my cheeks because I thought it was so funny. You should know that this makes me sound quite mean, however, prior to this flight I would have told you that I was the paranoid flier. Jimmy and I have flown together several times, and he apparently has a knack for hiding his airplane phobia, because I never had a clue that he was so scared over it.

Turns out, Jimmy was wrong and nothing in fact snapped off of our plane. Well, nothing important at least, because we made it to McCarren Airport with no trouble. Here, I realized that either people in Las Vegas dress their boys in big bows or they are all very non-observant folk. I got asked three times if Ruby was a boy or a girl. I also was asked by a strange man on our commute to the rental car center if Ruby was about two years old. No, in fact she isn't even close and if she were two, you can be assured that she would be walking rather than lounging around in this carrier, tearing my back apart one vertebrae at a time.

We cruised the strip and the rest of Las Vegas for the week in a PT Cruiser. Check in to the resort was the only thing all day that proved to be a minor feat. Apparently they shampoo the carpets at strange times, so we had to switch to another place or walk on squishy wet carpet until ten o clock. Naturally, we chose the other place (which was identical to the original) because we didn't really have somewhere to kill six hours. We ran to get groceries and to pick up a few baby items and ended up home much later than we had planned. Ate some food at home and called it a night.

Thursday was what my body would consider the marathon day. We walked almost the entire strip. I started out quite excited and full of energy, and by the time we had made it back to the car, I was running on fumes and a drink from Coyote Ugly, which I proceeded to dump all over our car as I buckled Ruby in. We parked at the Tropicana and walked in most of the hotels-we were gone for about eight hours. Aside from my defective hips (thanks to too many years of gymnastics, made worse by pregnancy), poor shoe choice, and carrying around a whole lotta baggage (purse and diaper bag), we had a good time.

We saw the lions at MGM Grand and even walked underneath them in their indoor habitat. You shouldn't be surprised that the teeny tiny Starbucks sign caught our eyes as we walked in, and of course we indulged. Mocha frappucino for him, Iced Mocha Latte for me. Is it pathetic that I could probably start working there and require no training on all of the lingo?

We meandered onto M&M World (and right next door to the Coca Cola store which was disappointing and hardly worth mentioning), which is exactly what it sounds like-a four story building full of M&Ms and accompanying merchandise littered with the logo. We escaped fairly unscathed despite all of the tempting M&M flavors, with a small package of mint-flavored ones just because. Later I would panic that this was a really dumb idea given the 110 degree temperature reading (ew). Surprisingly, my lame attempt at any chance to save my beloved chocolate by burying them in the diaper bag worked and they didn't melt at all. Should have figured out how to achieve the same thing with myself.

We were in search of FAO Schwartz, ultimately. However, we had baby feedings, lunch, and of course sight seeing and shopping to consider squeezing somewhere in between our parked car and the destination, which turned out to be quite the haul. We decided we were both starving (and so was Ruby, bless her) and hadtohavefoodbeforewecouldgoanyfurther. Unfortunately, we also chose this moment to be ultra picky too, and so we ended up walking to Caesar's Palace before settling on Planet Hollywood. Here we had delicious lunch, Ruby ate, and then we were attacked by multiple wait staff for them to see "the cute baby everyone in the kitchen was talking about." Ruby ate it up-smiling, laughing, and clapping at all the right times.

In case you are wondering, we did indeed make it to FAO Schwartz, and everything except for the gigantic horse doorwar was a disappointment, especially given the energy expended to get there.

We pressed on, and decided to slowly make our way back to our [much anticipated] parking space on the other side of the strip. We walked through the Bellagio and missed the fountains that went off at 4:30, and since we had behaved in true tourist fashion for the duration of the day, how could we miss this attraction? So, we waited in the smoldering, awful sun for thirty minutes to see them. They were impressive, however, I don't know that they were stand-here-in-the-heat-and-feel-like-death-for-thirty-minutes worth it, but they were fun to watch.

Somehow, and I don't honestly know how, but I made it to New York New York (complaining about my hips every five steps). We actually ventured back over to the other side to visit Paris (ha, if only visiting the Paris were as easy as crossing the road). We found the dueling piano bar to come back to at a later time, and made special note of the creperie right next door. I, myself, couldn't get over how the direction to wedding chapels found almost everywhere were more common than the stop signs outside.

At New York New York, we found the Coyote Ugly bar and I splurged on a silly souvenir glass filled with some fruity slushy of the alcohol variety. At that point, I could have found paint to drink and been agreeable-I was so thirsty. We walked around that hotel for awhile and then finally made it back to the car. Where I managed to spill the remaining third of my rip off drink all over our car.

We decided to make a trip to the lazy river mere yards from our beautiful home for the week and relax for an hour. This was Ruby's first time in a pool and she seemed to enjoy it so long as the roaring waterfalls were no where around. At first sight of those, you would have thought I was ripping her hairs out, one by one, given the way she screamed at me. She was horrified that I would even think about bringing her around those. After that, I learned that she needed to pinch my arms, I needed to run through the water near there, and she had to be able to see them, or else more screaming and shaking would ensue.

That night for dinner, we chose the restaurant right at our resort, Tahiti Joe's. The food was okay, but the accompanying karaoke while we ate our [late] meal was atrocious. The coordinator (I'm obviously not a regular karaoke-er; is that what the person with all of the equipment and the cheesy microphone skills is called?) was awful, and the only people that sang were her obvious group of friends. At one point, I remember looking over at Jimmy and comparing the guy singing to a cat throwing up. I'm fairly confident I could have done better, and if you have ever heard me sing, you would know just how awful these people were. Unfortunately, this was Ruby's only time of being hard to manage-she was overly tired and hungry, but was completely uncooperative in letting me nurse her there (i.e.-flashing everyone there). Everyone at Tahiti Joe's that night got a free peep show a la mama style.

to be continued...