motherhood

I wish I had words to describe my job; my job as a mom.  It's the most heartwarming, rewarding, and challenging job that I have ever held; a job I get to hold for the rest of my life.

I knew it all before I had children; I knew what was best, I predicted precisely how our lives would hardly change with a little one, and I made assumptions about other moms that may or may not have agreed with my [future] parenting style.

The thing is, I didn't know it all then.  I certainly don't now, and I never will.  But this is the most fun I have had learning how to do something on the fly.  I have two of the best bosses, though they generally aren't very understanding and they certainly don't understand that I can't put on a three ring circus at all hours of the day...and not to mention the lack of vacation days - I can't really imagine working for anyone else.

Hearing Ruby get so excited over a picture of her Aunt Moo as a small child and exclaiming, "I can't believe it!" over and over again - I am reminded how precious life is, humbled by the innocence and charm of a child.  Watching Eisley take in her surroundings, knowing her little brain is being molded by the sounds she hears and the things she sees.  To know that she completely relies on me for her survival - I am in awe.  To be a child again..

It's all so cliche.  The parents tell the child that they'll never understand the amount of their love, child rolls her eyes; that's what everyone says.  But it's so true.  Except for the never part of that, because I have fallen in love with my parents a thousand times over after becoming one myself.  The love I have for my children is something I treasure immensely, and one of which that I can't do justice in the form of words.  I can remember my dad telling me many times as a child that I couldn't know how much he loved me.  I look at Ruby and Eisley now and wish that they would know how much they mean to me.

And some days, I catch myself thinking Do I really have two beautiful little girls that call me mom?  It hardly seems possible that I have had these two precious lives entrusted to me - two little people that rely on me and love me and know me as their mom.

The smallest of I love yous that seem bigger than any other words I have ever heard, the skinned knees that I have the power to heal with a kiss, eating cookie dough together with my smallest cookie helper, playing "seek" and hearing fits of laughter, singing Happy Birthday just because, reading stories, and watching my girls interact with one another.  Bubble baths, puzzles, counting, and coloring.  Answering questions that seem trivial to me because their answers are so familiar.


I can't think of a greater journey that I would ever embark on - I sure don't know it all, but I do know that what I have is amazing.  I have had an amazing journey as mom so far, and I can't wait to see where this road leads.

I love you, Ruby and Eisley.  To the moon and back a thousand times.

I received the best of gifts - Eisley's first giggles, Ruby coloring me a card, and breakfast in bed.  We're out to celebrate with my parents - sushi and a movie.