tragedy

Sickening long skid marks, from white lines to beyond, an all too ironic reminder of how short life is, I don't know how his mom is even breathing at this moment.  A usual outlet reserved for nonsense and casual correspondence, Facebook served the devastating reminder of a short life to me, secondhand, on Friday night as I laid in bed listening to my girls chase each other 'round the hotel room.  Friends I have known for more than ten years are without their grown child tonight, and for all of the rest of the nights they are on this side of Heaven.  My stomach rebels at the thought of a car wreck taking someone so young, but the idea of me having to go on without my own two children is devastating enough to make me stop breathing and feel sicker than I ever have simultaneously.

The fear of the future, the worries of my house never being quite good enough, the concern over my to do list not being completed when I tuck myself into bed. None of that matters.  None of it.

It's affirms my biggest goal in life which is to be happy and live in the moment - I don't want to get to the end and have regrets, I don't want life to come to a screeching halt where I consider things I should have done better, and most of all, I don't want my children to grow up as I think about how I could have done things differently or spent more time with them.

Life is short.  And out of our control.  A disturbing and comforting thought all at once.

Go out there - laugh with the world, care for those around you, and be thankful for the blessings in your life.  Usually, it's the blessings that seem to bring "stress" - the little things in life are the ones that needn't bring worry, but rather should be enjoyed.

Hug those children and let those people you care about know.

A mom sleeps without knowing her child is alive tonight - the thought is enough to make me collapse in sorrow, but it's also serving as a reminder to cherish my own.

These girls are my world.