celebration

A wafting coffee scent, leftover versions of the celebratory birthday cake tartlet that was burned yesterday, and the sound of tiny sleeping souls; I awake with joy in my heart and thankfulness for another year older though it feels slightly scary to be a giant step closer to the big three-oh!

As quickly as the joy rode in, it left, without allowing me to grasp.  Today was a sad day for me in many ways.  Unexpected emotions using various words scribbled in cards as their door.  I struggled with splitting my birthday in half (and then half again) in recognition of my family that is no longer whole.

And while I was busy throwing myself a pity party in over the top fashion, with Jimmy being away for the day, my family not being together, and a multitude of things that shouldn't matter, my grandpa called, and in true fashion sung me happy birthday.

I am thankful.  And sad.  Happy.  And mournful.


And blessed.  And honored.

For the sister that wished me Happy Birthday at midnight on the dot - for a mini facebook fiesta in which many friends took the time to write meaningful words on a special day.  The solid night of sleep and early morning snuggles with a cozy baby.  The texts that poured in; the email from my childhood nanny who I haven't spoken to since I was about nine.  The phone calls and meaningful birthday wishes from my girls.  The amazing birthday cake and dinner had with mom.  The surprise girl's night out with two amazing friends which began with wine and ended with bowling and girl talk.  The neatly written words from Ruby: "Love You" on a handmade birthday card, done all by herself.

The joy steps back in, maybe slightly more hesitant.  I am here to start this year off with a bang.  I have learned more about myself in the last year than I think I cared to realize in all of my life.  I have a lot to be thankful for, and I am so blessed to celebrate another year of life with a beautiful family, my dream home being built, and more blessings than I could ever count.

The first day of this next year of life is going out with a bang - mint oreos, Big Bang Theory, and creative hat sketches (I swear, this is not my 80th birthday).  And I plan to celebrate my birthday every day of the year, because...why not?

Grateful.