hi, peanut.

If I haven't written enough evidence to persuade you into the belief that I am one hot mess when pregnant, well, then maybe I don't know what constitutes that sort of description in your book.

It takes a great amount of courage for me to get to twenty weeks, and then through my anatomy scan.  I don't know why I feel this way - sort of a combination of being robbed of pregnancy innocence and the whole  it's a small world vibe coming from the internet.  I know of too many horror stories that begin with that monumental ultrasound.

I have heard the song Oceans by Hillsong United an unfathomable amount of times this pregnancy.  I have told Jimmy and a few others that it seems to be a semi-subtle message about improving my faith.  Every single time I hear it, I stop and breathe.  It's reassuring and humbling.  We drove to our ultrasound appointment this morning, my stomach churning.  One could imagine the song that came on halfway through the drive.

Peace.

That precious little face is in there!  I have been so caught up in the nausea, it hardly seems like there is something so beautiful beyond.  That perfect button nose, and the hand that stayed near the face.  So unbelievably in love.  There is a new depth to this experience that I know well from the girls.  I can't fathom the miracle that lives within.

Tipping the scales at a whopping approximately 12 ounces - baby is measuring ahead by a handful of days, each little part of it formed perfectly with love.

I was the most tempted to surprise ourselves early with this little one - I held tight to the knowledge of what the end holds with the surprise on birth day.  I don't have any extraordinarily strong feelings one way or the other - and we truly don't care.  I can't wait to kiss that perfect nose and those tiny little fingers.

Ruby has been asking to make a chain to count down the days until peanut's arrival.  We finally did it today.  It's hard to explain such a concept to little people.

the countdown is on - as slow as life seems at the moment, I know those links are going to disappear in a way that will leave me compulsively checking to do lists at the end.

141 days.

So very thankful for the miracle of life.  Thankful for a God that is patient with me as I wade through scary territories.